Today I seem to have more to say than other days, so I figured I’d blog. If you are wondering what I had to say earlier go here.

There is so much to say today, but I think for tonight I will end with parenting.  We have decided that gentle parenting is how we want to parent our children.  Mind you, we have 3, well 2, not so gentle boys, and 1 sweet baby boy who I’m sure will follow in his older brothers *wild* footsteps.  Now I love these boys with all of my being and love being a mom. That said, it is dang hard.  DANG hard.  If you are a mom you’ll get what I mean.  If you are a dad you’ll get what I mean. By bed time tonight I was done.  Today, all day, it was just me with the boys. We had an overall good day.  I soaked up moments with them, like my 2 year old getting out his toy guitar and rocking out and singing, or watching my 5 year old joyfully do laundry, or seeing my giggly little baby boy play with his feet, learn how to sit up, and look at me with those sweet smiling eyes. These little things alone make it all worth it.  That said, by the end of the day, and even a few times during the day, I found myself getting short and snappy with my older boys. * I do love that my 5 year old will call me on it when I start turning into “mean mommy.” The kid is awesome and keeps me true to my word.*  After the disasters my 2 year old creates in those moments where he knows he can get away with it (you know, like dumping his juice on the couch), and the constant negotiating and arguing from my 5 year old, and meeting the needs of a young baby, I am drained.  I find that no matter how important it is to me to remain calm and gentle with my children, it’s not always easy.  So tonight after all kids were asleep *AN HOUR LATER THAN NORMAL* I found myself feeling guilty, discouraged, and tired.  Why?  I mean we had a good day.  Then it dawned on me.  I felt like a failure.  My kids went to sleep at 9, INCLUDING my baby. I was short a few times and I’m sure that is going to screw them up forever!  Where did I conjure up these ideas that: 1) my kids have to be to bed early every night, and if they are not I am a horrible mom and they aren’t getting enough sleep, and my baby is never going to sleep through the night unless I get him on a strict schedule!  2)  That getting short with them and raising my voice to get their attention sometimes is going to screw them up forever.  From all the information.  From all the moms who make judgements on how others parent.   Sometimes it’s too much.  My kids are good.  They know they are loved.  And they know that they don’t have perfect parents.  I think that is important.  Tonight I read books with my boys and answered my 5 year old’s questions instead of making sure they got to bed on time.  It was worth it.  Today I shouted and snapped a few times when my patience was tested.  And I apologized and exhibited the need for forgiveness.  Everything we do teaches and shapes our kids.  While I will continue to strive to live out the fruits of the spirit (Galations 5:22-23) towards my family, I am human, and sometimes I have human reactions.  I know this though, I am doing the best I can while trusting the Lord to step in my weaknesses and shape my heart.  

So, if you find yourself reading this after a long day, (you know, those days you let out a big sigh once the kids are in bed), or you are feeling guilty because some days you just don’t cut it and supermom is far from who you are, know that you are not alone.  You are human.  A very normal imperfect human who has very imperfect human children.  So continue showing them what that means.  Take in those moments that make it all worth it, and instead of beating yourself up over mistakes, use them to teach forgiveness.  We all need to learn to forgive, and we all need forgiveness.  

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